I’m not generally an anxious person. I don’t get panicked easily, and I don’t usually get very afraid. I like risks. I like crazy. I like doing hard things. I’m strong. Capable. I’m struggling with anxiety and panic attacks in Jiu Jitsu. I’ve kept it to myself for months. Months. Because what the heck kind of purple belt all of a sudden gets panic attacks?!?! I finally told my coach…
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This is Jill…
This is Jill. She didn’t know it, but rolling with her in Montana 1.5 years ago was my first experience rolling with a female colored belt. We were both blue belts at the time. I. Was. Terrified. I know that seems strange. After all, women are usually nervous to roll men for the first time…but another woman?!? The context of my Jiu Jitsu training for the two years prior had…
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Challenging Perceived Beliefs
One of my perceived beliefs was challenged yesterday. Two, actually. I’m pretty sure I missed the next several minutes of instruction because my brain just could not fathom what I had just learned. My jits coach is a big guy. Big compared to anyone, really, and definitely big compared to me. He likes pressure passing. I’ve always thought, “well, duh, he’s HUGE! Of course he likes to use pressure.” But…
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Four Years
Four years. It took four years before I had enough skill in Jiu Jitsu to handle myself against a new, strong young man with some high school wrestling. Four years. It took four years before I was confident enough to not let panic set in while someone came at me hard. Four years. It took four years to finally be able to play my own game, despite rough, new hands…
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Competition Love
I’ve always really loved competition. As a child, I notoriously entered competitions that I didn’t even care about, simply to see how I would do and if I could win. I just love it. As I dove into martial arts, the thought of competition never even occurred to me. I didn’t realize that there was a whole competition world out there to explore. When my MMA coach first mentioned that…
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Finding Ego is Strange Places
I hate when my jiu jitsu coach lets me tap him out. He let me tap him today. I’ve been bothered ever since. Why the heck am I bothered?! We had a fun roll…our rolls are always fun (for me anyway, and hopefully for him, too). I tried new things, sucked at other things, and felt good with still others. And then…he let me work into an arm bar. And…