Active-Passiveness
“John Leach uses the term “active-passiveness,” meaning, ‘the ability to accept the situation one is in but without giving in to it…’” -From Deep Survival
Halfway through reading Deep Survival, a book recommended to me by my friend, Tom, I mysteriously injured my neck. At first it just felt “out,” but it quickly progressed to 24/7 pain running down my arm and back, less than 3 hours of sleep each night, and no ability to do any of the things I love. Chiro said, “herniated disc.” My doc agreed. I headed to my physical therapist for more info. After 20 minutes of testing, he determined it was not herniated, but I definitely did something to C4-C5 and had a pinched nerve. He made a plan, and started treating me.
It’s been two weeks. I’ve slept, on average 4 hours (accumulative) each night. I’m in pain 24/7, though it IS getting a little better.
In the beginning, I would just sob trying to stand up in the morning. By day four, I found the frustration starting to set in. I was ready to cry from frustration, and then I stopped myself-I decided I could cry from pain but not my situation. My situation sucked, but that suckage doesn’t get to control me in any way. “The ability to accept the situation one is in but without giving in to it.” I wasn’t giving in.
So I set goals. Get up and move around when I wake up at 2:00AM in pain. Grab a heat or ice pack. Watch videos-BJJ, the Johnny Depp trial, other nonsense. Try to get myself comfortable enough to get one more hour of sleep. Then, get up, grab coffee, begin writing for all my clients or work on other projects. The kicker is that I do it with a good attitude. Not out of frustration, but simply, “it is what it is and it won’t be forever.”
I’m using active-passiveness to accept where I’m at and how I’m feeling, while simultaneously not giving in to it. Rather, I’m using the time awake to be productive. I’m going on walks with my family, learning to coach while injured, and keeping a good attitude. I will get better…just maybe not on my preferred timeline.
