Learning To Extend Myself & Others Grace
When I experience negative things in life, I like to think that I now have one more experience with which I can understand someone else. When I started experiencing anxiety in Jiu Jitsu, I figured that once I overcame it, or at the very least learned how to operate with it, I would be an even better coach as I had a new perspective.
It doesn’t take a lot of guess work to assume that a pinched nerve is quite terrible. How terrible, though, I never understood until it happened to me. Although I’m in pain much of the time, the lack of ability to sleep is what is really affecting me the most. Today marks three weeks of only 3-4 hours of scattered sleep each night.
The thing that’s been most noticeable for me is how sleep is affecting my ability to show compassion, care, and interest in other people the way I normally would. I will get home and realize I didn’t even tell someone “goodbye.” Or I’ll forget to tell someone that I hope they have a good trip. Or I’ll forget that someone had been sick and neglect to ask how they’re feeling. I remember only after I leave and begin to settle my body at home. It makes me feel terrible. That’s not the kind of friend, acquaintance, coach, or human I want to be.
I’m sending lots of “after the fact” texts, and giving myself grace. Mainly, I’m viewing it as a point for grace and compassion for others. How many times has someone not said goodbye to me when they normally do and I felt hurt or offended? How many times has someone not asked how I was feeling when they knew I had been terribly sick? Instead of viewing those things as an offense, what if I considered that I have no idea the things THEY may be going through? What if they haven’t slept in weeks? What if they’re barely holding on to their sanity and trying to keep things together? Do I have grace for that? Am I okay with letting hurt go in exchange for compassion for them?
The past three days have been a struggle. It’s definitely wearing, though I know I am getting better each day. I will get better, and I now have a new perspective.
